What I Wish I Knew As a Freshman
40 things the first year at uni taught me.
A lot of people will be starting their first year of uni in a few weeks (at least in India). So here is 42 pieces of advice I wish I got before my first year.
A lot of this is personal opinion and your millage may vary with these, but odds are, you will find atleast some of them helpful. So without further ado, let’s roll the list!
During the first week, everyone is very enthusiastic and wants to meet everyone. Your institute or seniors will try to channel this enthusiasm and organize a freshers party or mixer. While you might make friends this way, and that is the point of such events, it's much more likely that you will forget about the vast majority of people you encounter at that time.
They will also forget about you, and that's fine. Don't over socialize. It will be lonely for a few days, but once clubs and (actual) events and classes start, you can make stronger bonds, I promise the friendships will fall into place in the majority of cases.
Smile and say hi to everyone you meet, everyday. This makes you instantly more likeable and just exudes good vibes.
Looking presentable is a matter of respecting yourself. While many institutions, mine included, does allow students to come to class wearing basically anything short of nudity; respect the instructors, the classroom and the other students, and please be presentable.
Make friends with seniors (aka upperclassmen in some places). Given that you all have made it to the same institution, there will be some seniors who will just be older and wiser versions of you. They know the institute, courses, professors etc. much better than you do. And most of them are willing to help you not make mistakes they made. Also, they have networked longer than you have. So, sometimes having them help is useful. (as a personal anecdote, I got my reading project partly due to a senior who had worked in that area and knew a great prof. Before that, I had mailed maybe 4-5 profs and none even replied (My mails were also not that well written, as I was confused on how to mail academics. The same senior helped with that as well).)
Best advice I got when I entered academia: "We're all smart. Distinguish yourself by being kind." - Prof Anne Galloway
Be kind. There is no reason to be rude to anyone. You might know more about some topic, you probably do. That doesn't give you the right to belittle any of your batchmates, seniors or god forbid, professors.
A lot of people will be (according to you) undeserving. Payment seats, rich families, donations, reservation etc; but they still made it. If you don't like them, don't converse. But don't be rude, condescending or belittling.
You will find people different than you. With different sensibilities, different backgrounds and different POVs. Learn to find similarities and talk to them.
Nationality, race, language, culture, family dynamics, home economics all affect who you are at this point. And the least you can do is acknowledge this, and try to develop your own personality.
For example, if you are an atheist and someone offers your prasad (food offered to God and then later distributed among everyone else as blessings); take it. You don't need to follow it, but respect the fact that someone wants you to be blessed.
A lot of people have no footwear in dorm/room policy. Respect it, don't enter their dorm/room with footwear on.
If you grew up rich, it is your job to not make others feel poor around you.
If you grew up poor, don't let others' wealth intimidate you or make you feel less worthy.If you grew up in a conservative household, try to understand that others may have different values without judging them.
If you grew up in a liberal household, respect that some people have traditional views that are meaningful to them.If you grew up in a small town, don't feel embarrassed about not knowing city customs.
If you grew up in a big city, don't assume everyone knows what you consider "basic" urban knowledge.If you grew up speaking a regional language, don't be ashamed of your accent or mother tongue, it's part of your identity.
If you grew up speaking only English, make an effort to learn about local languages and cultures.
If you grew up as an only child, learn to share spaces and belongings more consciously.
If you grew up with many siblings, remember that not everyone is used to the chaos and learn to respect personal space.If you grew up with very involved parents, learn to make decisions independently.
If you grew up with distant parents, don't be afraid to seek guidance from mentors and build those supportive relationships.
If you grew up academically focused, remember that there are other important life skills to develop.
If you grew up more focused on other areas, don't feel intimidated by academic discussions, remember you bring a different perspective to the table.Don't comment on other people's personal choices unless specifically asked. Whether someone is vegan, vegetarian, or non-vegetarian; whether they're gay, lesbian, straight, or identify differently; whether they're religious, atheist, or agnostic - these are personal preferences that don't need your commentary or approval. You don't have to understand or agree with everyone's choices, but you also don't need to voice your opinions about them. Mind your own business and let people live their lives.
Sometimes you gotta stop worrying about being the smartest or funniest person in the room and start enjoying being in a room with smart and funny people.
You may win the argument, but if you lose the friend; what is the point?
Give everyone a second chance, but never the third. University is about growth and learning from mistakes. When lab partners, friends, or romantic partners let you down, offer forgiveness and a genuine opportunity to make things right. People deserve space to grow and change. However, if someone repeatedly disrespects your boundaries, breaks promises, or causes harm after you've already given them a second chance, walk away.
We often associate being smart with clearing some competitive exam or scoring well or getting some good job. But then again, I know many smart people who don't have any of these tags. There is street smart, people smart, money smart, business smart, book smart, sport smart among many others.
So, first: you are your own type of smart. Stop being under confident. And second, others are also smart, so maybe try to learn from them?
"Smart people learn from everything and everyone, average people learn from their experiences, stupid people already have all the answers." - Socrates
(This example has a lot of stereotypes. Please note, this is an example). A lot of boys belittle girls for not knowing about sports or politics or what not. See, the girl is also 18. She also made it to the same university. So she is smart in her own way. When you invested time to learn about sports and politics, she invested time learning about food or fashion or art. Do you know anything about these? There is no universal scale for smartness and dumbness; and the only dumb thing could be trying to define one. And the same goes vice versa for girls.
Don't let friendships turn to entropy. You will probably be far from your high school friends, for the first time in the 18-19 years. Send the text. Make the call. Plan the trip. Good friendships must be treasured.
Expect lesser from your friends. Life is not a sitcom and your friends can't tick all the boxes. Other than the basic qualities of kindness, respect and empathy, which they should have if they are even worth being friends with, one friend can't tick all the boxes. Some friends you can talk about childhood but only meet in months, some give great fashion advice but might not have anything to say when you are heartbroken, some are people even your grandmother knew (hello "chasma walo bhailo" (male friend with spectacles)) as they had been there for so long, and some just carry good vibes.
The pygmalion effect says that people perform based on what their social group expects from them. What they tell them and what goals are set. "Basically, show me your friends and I'll show you your future."
So be part of a group that expects good things from you, and push you to achieved and do the same for them. Failure and Success often travel in groups.
1: 2 and 8 hours a day. Whatever your course is, you don't need to study more than 8hrs a day and at max in a 1:2 ratio with respect to time in class. 14 hours of class, then 28 hours of self study for a total of 6 hours a day, 7 days a week. That's it.
8 hours study, 8 hours sleep and 8 hours of having fun.
Just show up. There is no reason to miss classes, unless the prof is a complete psychopath and is actively wasting time. This is not the case 99% of the times. So make your money worth it and don't miss a single class.
Respect your profs (and TAs). A lot of college kids believe that why learn business or stock statistics or computer science from people who aren't multi-millionaires. After all if they knew it, they would be right?
Some of them are. They have sold their companies and now teach as a side quest. Others are consultants at big firms and do teaching as their main job.
Some of the best gynaecologists are male. Do you think they are bad at their job as they don't have a uterus? No. They probably know more about it than 99% of women who have one. Because, they spent their career studying it. Your business or statistics or computer science profs are (probably) extremely knowledgeable. They can teach you much much more than a drop shipper who made millions, a gameStop trader or a chat-gpt vibe coder whose app became big.
Talk to your instructors and other profs (and seniors and batchmates) who work on things you like or are interested in. They want to help you. Most academics will kill to have a student be interested in their work. So get interested, and network. Talk to people you are genuinely interested, it is more often than not reciprocated.
Watch at least 1 film a week. Talk to people on random topics at least an hour a day, if the topic is productive it is great; but even if it is bitching, no issues. Learn social skills, to communicate confidently and to people. You have to have a life, academics is a part of life; not life.
You are going to be the master of your own time. Where I study, I have to attend classes 14 hours a week and can overload up to 17 hours.
For contrast, my coaching Badal (read: prep school) ran for 48 hours a week and was horrible, read about that part here. This is probably true for your schools and coachings.
You have a bunch of free time that you never had before. This time can be wasted. So be conscious to where your time is going.
It is better to be a hardworking overconfident person than to be a hardworking underconfident person. The overconfident will go out, fail and then try again. Every time I have done something I don't know, I have found that it went better than others had expected. And now I know how much work is needed to get it to where my overconfidence is justified. The underconfident will waste time first battling the self doubt before he even tries. And then fail at a half hearted attempt. Before battling the problem, he will have to battle himself.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
There is this extremely well liked and successful Indian rapper called EPR. He is loved by everyone and every show he is on (as a judge), he shines out. How to be like EPR in one, very difficult step?
Whenever your name is attached to something, make sure you are giving it your all every single time. EPR doesn't perform pre-written tracks as it is on any of his appearance, It is either a fresh new track or a new version of the old track with whole different beats, cadence and verses. To be like EPR, always put your best foot forward.
What would your most audacious self do? And what is stopping you? Ask this question once in a while. The answer will normally be "what if people judge me?". This is ironic as we have all put the other person on sort of a pedestal to judge when they have done the same!
If you want to go for a run, go for a run. Don't look for company. Sooner or later, on the fifth or the twentieth run; like minded people will find you themselves.
You don't have to be 'good' at sports(or anything else for that matter) to play. Just play for fun and to be fit. No need to be good at it, you don't have to go to the olympics. At the same time, don’t stop trying to improve.
Do dumb things. It is much more fun to suck, fail and be cringe than to be 'too cool' to try. You won't have another college life, have fun. Take part in quizzes and plays, join the clubs and teams, take the hard courses you like. You might not know what you discover.
Your body is a house you have to live in for at least 70 more years. While you don't need to make it spick and span, right now; don't also drill huge holes in the walls. Exercise regularly, eat reasonably well, get enough sleep, and avoid habits that will make your future self hate your current self. You don't need to be a fitness model, but basic maintenance goes a long way.
Learn basic financial literacy. Track your expenses, understand the difference between wants and needs, and don't spend money you don't have just to fit in. The habits you build now will follow you for life. Also, don't lend money you can't afford to lose, and don't borrow money for non-essentials (I will argue, don't lend or borrow money in uni full stop, but I tend to avoid over generalizations).
Don't be afraid to work. There is no shortcut to success (at least of the good kind).
Deal with problems head on. Don't complain about problems or luck or skills. If there is a problem, there is a solution.
Darkness is not dispelled by getting sad and blaming god; it is dispelled by making a fucking bulb. You will fail at first, but eventually, there will be light.
You will always feel behind. Everyone always feels like they are behind. But that is not an issue. It is a side effect of having a life. You are juggling academics, work, friendships, sleep (hopefully) and the ever persistent, next what?
The goal is not to never fall behind, it is to learn how to catch up without beating yourself up. So take a breath, make a plan and keep going.
Given enough time, even the slowest bricklayer will stand before the castle. Take your time and don't rush, you deserve a castle; not a hut.
Have dreams. Not all of them will be fulfilled, but have dreams. Dreams are hopes for the future and fuel to keep going. Some of them will be unrealistic, but who knows what the future holds?
Don't keep looking for love, it will happen when it does. But also, when you feel it, ask them out. See, life is too short to wait for the meet-cute to happen. Just do it, worst comes to worst, they’ll turn you down.
Life is never over. Don't ever do anything stupid and irreversible (you know, the S word). Exams can go badly. Semesters can go badly, but life should still keep going.
The weak breeze whispers nothing
The water screams sublime
His feet shift, teeter-totter
Deep breath, stand back, it's time
Toes untouch the overpass
Soon he's water bound
Eyes locked shut but peek to see
The view from halfway down
A little wind, a summer sun
A river rich and regal
A flood of fond endorphins
Brings a calm that knows no equal
You're flying now
You see things much more clear than from the ground
It's all okay, it would be
Were you not now halfway down
Thrash to break from gravity
What now could slow the drop
All I'd give for toes to touch
The safety back at top
But this is it, the deed is done
Silence drowns the sound
Before I leaped I should've seen
The view from halfway down
I really should've thought about
The view from halfway down
I wish I could've known about
The view from halfway down
- Alison Tafel (from Bojack Horseman)
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If you know anyone who is going to begin collage, or even school; or has already began and could use this advice, send it to them.
If you have some advice of your own to offer, please feel free to drop it in the comments.
Otherwise, thanks for reading!
Warm Regards,
Arjun Maneesh Agarwal.